Nailing the Art of How to Ask For Money [2024]

Asking for money can be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. The reality is that 60% of Millennials accept financial help from their parents.  

Millennials, or those born between 1981 and 1996, are the largest generation in the United States. According to a survey of 1,500 millennials conducted in 2021, 64% of them receive financial support from their parents. This is likely due to the fact that millennials have less wealth than other generations. Baby boomers, for example, hold more than half of the country's wealth, while millennials have less than 6%.

When it comes to asking for monetary support, millennials are more likely to ask family members for help than other generations. A 2018 study found that millennials are more likely to ask to borrow money because they are in a position financially where fully supporting themselves is difficult. 

And these aren’t college-age kids, who might be accepting financial help from parents to get through school. The metrics in the report referenced above are from a survey of post-college twenty-somethings.

Blame it on the recession, failure to launch, yada yada yada. I’m not here to debate whether or not adult children should accept money from parents. I won’t weigh in because I’m an adult who once accepted financial help from her parents. During the runaway renovation of 2013, I took on an interest-free loan from my parents, who graciously offered their help during a time when I was losing both my mind and my savings account. For those looking for advice on how to navigate the ask and what comes after, below are my best tips.

8 Tips to for How to Ask for Money Politely

Asking family and friends for financial help can be a difficult task, but if done correctly, it can be a great way to get the funds you need. Here are nine tips to help you get to YES!

Want access to my free financial worksheets? They'll help you get your life together and avoid asking family and friends for funds. Click here to subscribe (it’s free!) and you'll gain instant access. 

Think of the Person Lending

If you’ve exhausted all financial options or are in the midst of a layoff of job change, and can’t make anything else work, it’s time to consider how you’ll ask your parents, family member, or friend.

I hate cliches, but I feel two are really appropriate in a borrowing money situation: “honesty is the best policy” and “it pays to be prepared.”

When asking parents (or anyone, really) for money it pays to be upfront and speak plainly about your needs.

Pick your moment well, but don’t catch them off guard.

Warm them up by mentioning casually that you’d like to set some time to talk about finances. Then say, “I feel (x time, day, or event) would be appropriate. What works for you?”

Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat it like a business meeting.

Letting them know in advance it’s going to be a serious conversation rather than a catch-up dinner allows them to come prepared and with their defenses down. No one likes to be taken by surprise.

Be Clear About Why You Need the Money

When requesting financial assistance, it is essential to be open and honest about why you need the money. You should explain your circumstances and the reasons why you require the funds in a clear and direct way.

It is important to be as specific as possible when discussing the financial help you are seeking. Your request for assistance should include details of the amount needed, how the money will be used, and what period of time the funding is required for. These details should provide the person or organization you are asking for money from with a full understanding of your financial situation and the purpose of your request.

When outlining your reasons for needing financial help, try to avoid being too emotional or confrontational. Instead, focus on presenting the facts of your case in an organized and logical manner. This will demonstrate to the person or organization that you have thought through your request carefully and that you are taking responsibility for your financial situation.

Be Prepared to Be Turned Down

When you are asking for money, it is important to remember that there is always a chance that your request will be rejected. Rejection can be a difficult thing to manage and it is important to be prepared for it. Understand that even if your request is denied, this does not mean that you are worthless or undeserving of help.

There are many reasons why someone might turn down your request for money. It could be because the person doesn’t have the funds available, or because they don’t want to be financially responsible for you. It could also be because they don’t trust you or don’t think you can handle the responsibility of having extra money. No matter the reason, it can be difficult to accept rejection.

To prepare for the possibility of being turned down, it is important to have an alternate plan in place. Make sure you have researched other potential sources of money such as grants, scholarships, or loans. It is also important to remember that you can still ask for help from friends and family even if they cannot provide money. They may be able to help you in other ways such as providing emotional support, counseling, or a job referral.

No matter what happens, it is important to keep your head up and stay positive. Remember that rejection is a part of life and that it doesn’t necessarily mean that you did something wrong. Instead, take it as an opportunity to reassess your situation and look for other solutions. With the right preparation and attitude, you can make the best out of any situation.

Know the Amount You Need

Before you make your pitch to potential sources of help, take the time to do your research and determine the amount of money you need to achieve your goal.

Start by outlining the costs associated with your project or goal. If you are starting a business, look into the cost of renting a workspace, buying supplies, hiring employees, and other associated costs. If you are looking for a loan, research interest rates and terms. For personal expenses such as tuition or medical bills, contact the company or institution to find out the amount that is due and when it needs to be paid.

Have a Plan to Pay it Back

Even though it is Mom and Pop, even if they can totally afford to give you thousands of dollars, you should aim to pay them back.

The exception is, of course, if they give you money and tell you it’s a gift. If the word “gift” doesn’t come out of anyone’s mouth, either ask for clarification or assume it’s a loan.

Every loan between family members must be formalized with a written agreement, a repayment plan, and an interest rate at the minimum legal level, as dictated by the Internal Revenue Service.

The IRS sets a minimum interest rate called the applicable federal rate. This rate is set every month and only applies to loans larger than $10,000. Additionally, it is important to consider what happens if you default on the loan. 

Having a notarized and signed agreement with a family member may seem impersonal, but having things in writing can prevent misunderstandings and frustrations.

Here’s what else you should hammer out before money changes hands:

• If it’s a loan, discuss with them a repayment timeline and find out what they’re comfortable with.
• Discuss if any interest is involved (some parents do charge a very low amount of interest on loans to children) and if so, how much.
• Clarify when you’ll be making payments. Every month? Every quarter? One big lump sump annually?
• What happens if you default on the loan?

Once you’ve figured out how the loan is going to be structured, you need to put it in writing.

Get the Details in Writing

This is the most crucial step!

I know this can be a pain (who likes unnecessary paperwork, especially for someone as close as your Mom and Dad?), but it helps keep things more business-like. As much as I hope this doesn’t happen to you, getting it written is handy if the money ends up causing discord down the road.

Whether you are asking for a loan, a grant, or any other type of financial help, it is essential to get all the details in writing. This will provide both parties with a clear understanding of the loan or agreement and ensure that both parties understand and agree to the terms.

The written agreement should include: 

• The amount of money being requested
• The timeline for repayment
• Any interest or fees associated with the loan
• What happens if you default
• Any other relevant details

Creating a written agreement does not have to be complex. It can be as simple as writing out the details on a piece of paper and having both parties sign it. Once the agreement has been signed, it is important to keep the document in a safe place.

Be Respectful and Show Gratitude

When asking for financial help, it is essential to maintain respect and express gratitude for the person's consideration. No matter the situation, being polite will go a long way in helping you get the assistance you are seeking. Here are some tips on how to be respectful and show gratitude when asking for financial help:

1. Start by thanking the person for their time and willingness to consider your request. Mentioning that you appreciate their generosity will show that you value their help. 
2. Be honest and open about your situation. Explain why you are asking for help and the impact it will have on your life. This will help the person understand your needs better and make them more likely to offer their assistance.
3. After explaining your situation, be sure to thank the person again for their consideration. Let them know that you are grateful for their help and that you recognize the sacrifice they are making for you.
4. Lastly, be sure to follow up. Send a thank you note or call after receiving the financial assistance. This will show the person that you appreciate their help and acknowledge their generosity.

By following these tips, you can ensure that you are being respectful and showing gratitude when asking for financial help. This can help you create positive relationships with those who are willing to lend a hand and increase your chances of getting the assistance you need.

Offer Something in Return

Consider offering something in return when you ask for money. This could be anything from providing services, goods, or time.

When offering something in return, you should make sure that it is something of value that the person receiving the request will appreciate. You could offer babysitting time, your skills in the kitchen, or running errands.

Once you have determined what you are offering in return, be sure to communicate it clearly and concisely. This should all be laid out in the documentation about the loan. Especially if it will reduce the amount you have to pay back. 

Before Asking For Money, Consider Alternatives to Borrowing

It depends on your individual family dynamic and the interest rate you’d get on a personal loan. Personally, I think mixing family, friendship, and money gets very messy, which is why I’d try to investigate other options before taking money from parents.

Keep in mind they may have their own financial goals and obligations. And as an adult, it’s important to stand on your own two feet. 

Parental loans should only be used in the event of a dire emergency when other options simply aren’t available.

Borrowing money from your parents can be a tricky situation, and it's important to consider all the risks associated with it. Fortunately, there are several alternatives to borrowing money from your parents that don't involve taking on debt.

One option is to use your own assets and resources. If you have access to an emergency fund, a 401(k) loan, or other investments, using your own resources can be an alternative—especially if your parents aren't in a financial position to help.

Another option is to look into Earned Wage Access (EWA).

EWA platforms allow you to access some or all of your earned wages before your next scheduled payday, offering a meaningful alternative to high-cost credit products, such as overdrafts or payday loans. You can access your earned wages in several ways, such as loading them onto a debit or prepaid card, transferring them to your bank account, or even picking up cash at Walmart.

If you're trying to start a new business, applying for a business loan might be a more sensible option than borrowing from your friends or family. There are several loan options when starting a business, including business credit cards, microloans (small loans that are generally less than $50,000), or regular business loans from banks or peer-to-peer lenders.

You could also become an authorized user on a family member's credit card. When your family member adds you as an authorized user, the bank may report their information on your credit reports. If they have a strong credit history, you could actually see a boost to your credit score. Over time, improving your credit score could help you become more eligible for loans from other lenders.

No matter which option you choose, it's important to make sure you understand the terms and conditions of the loan before signing any agreement.

How to ask for money without sounding desperate

Asking family for money can feel like a tricky and awkward situation. However, it's important to remember that your family is likely more than willing to help you out in times of need. 

Approach the ask from a place of confidence. Go into the meeting with these details clearly written out:

1. What you are asking for – Be sure to be crystal clear about what kind of financial assistance you are requesting. Are you asking for a loan, a grant, or something else? 
2. Why you need the loan – Be honest about why you need the loan and what exactly the money will be used for. Knowing exactly what you need and why you need it will make your request easier to understand and more likely to be approved.
3. How much you need – Once you know what you are asking for, you need to determine how much money you need. Do your research and be realistic about the amount you are asking for. Too little may not cover your needs, while too much could create problems down the line.
4. Timeline for when you need it – You should also be clear about the timeline you are requesting. How soon do you need the money? f you need the money right away, make sure to communicate this in your request. On the other hand, if you need the money over time, explain the timeline in detail. This will give the person an idea of how long they’ll need to commit to helping you.

Following these guidelines will help ensure that your request is appropriate and that you and the person you’re asking for financial help have a mutual understanding of the transaction.

Be Sure to Set Boundaries Before You Accept the Loan

Taking money from your parents may mean they pry. (This can be especially hard for a spouse if you're borrowing money from your parents but their in-laws.) This depends on how close you are with your parents and how intimately they know the details of your own finances. I know for me, when I took money from my parents and was on a quarterly repayment plan, I felt guilty any time I mentioned I was going on a trip.

At the time, it was a particularly wedding travel-heavy year, and although my parents never said or did anything that made me feel guilty, I did feel strange.

I got very lucky in this respect that my parents chose not to pry, but honestly, if you’re asking Mom and Dad for money, it opens the door for them to comment on how you’re living your financial life.  You won’t like it, but it’s perfectly acceptable since you took their money.

Nothing is ever free. Honestly, even though you’re paying less in interest, you may be paying for it more in lack of privacy.

If you take money from your parents, just prepare yourself for the consequences of taking money from your family as opposed to say, a bank, or private online lender. It could work out swimmingly, and you can get a better interest rate (hopefully), but there are always going to be emotions involved.

Asking for money can be difficult, especially if you are not used to it. Setting boundaries is an essential part of the process, as it will help you feel more in control and confident when asking for help. 

Final Thoughts on How to Ask for Money

Regardless of the reason, asking for money can be an uncomfortable situation. However, with the right guidance and support, it doesn’t have to be. If you’re looking for advice on how to ask your parents for financial help, my best advice is to communicate openly, be honest about your needs, and create a repayment plan.