But one year later I'm still here and wanted to give you an update: I don't regret the decision. Not one bit.
In an odd way, having a job and a more structured life allows me:
- The freedom to feel more creative and take more “risks” with what I do in my online business
- To say no to lots of sponsored content I just (quite frankly) didn't want to do
- Feel more free to write what I want to write about and less about what I felt could generate clicks and income.
You've seen some of these changes already, like the weekly series I'm doing (I'm writing it right now!) where it's more free form content around my thoughts and perceptions and less about “9 Super-Awesome Ways to Put Pennies in Your Purse Right Now!”
That gets stale AF after awhile (trust me, if you think it's stale, I'm about to impale my eyes out writing it), but with money on the line I (previously) couldn't find a way out of that box. I think I was really fighting a big part of myself: the part that used to be an actor, the realization that at the heart of me is (always) a desire to create, to be freely creative and to play. I may have traded in the stage for a laptop, but that part about me is still the same.
I can't explain exactly why blogging as a side hustle is different than working for yourself, or why I'm better when doing both, but I just am. I'm better in all the ways: emotionally, physically spiritually. It's what's best for me and (for now) this is what my “best life” looks like and I'm learning (slowly) to be more and more confident with saying this out loud.
Really, the best passage I've ever come across to explain this type of feeling from Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic.
The minute I started solely relying on the blog for income that's when all my creativity dried up, that's when I stopped having fun.
Literally, I can pinpoint the actual day this blog stopped being fun for me. I even tried to sell the site I was so “over it.”
But now that I”m here and I've decided to stay I feel creatively free to play again. And it's been a really, really cool awakening. Like saying to this feeling, “there you are. I haven't seen you in forever! Helloooooo old friend.”
P.S. I didn't just come up with all this on my own. These have been slow, steady realizations over the last year but working with a business coach on my vision and values has helped solidify/articulate these feelings. Highly, highly recommend.
Even though I don't regret it, of course, there are things I totally miss.
I miss having lots of free time. And my Netflix. There, I said it. When I think about how much time I had on my hands as a solopreneur and how much I didn’t work out, didn’t take care of myself or run my errands, I feel really ashamed.
Because now I do the workouts, and the meal prep, and I drink the water, and work full-time, and blog and (still) some freelance writing and I smash it all into a very packed day. (To say nothing of the wedding planning and the travel, too!) Sometimes I think maybe I'm just at my best when I have a lot of balls up in the air.
And I didn’t do any of that while I was self-employed. So, all of you out there still entrepreneuring…even if you have all the time in the world, don’t waste it. Make yourself as productive as you used to be when you worked and hustled. Don’t forget that feeling and hold onto it.
I’m a better person for the journey over the last year or so. but as I’m dashing around from place to place I can’t help but pray for a bit more balance. I did't have it back then either, but a girl can dream.
One thing I will say: scheduling workouts is definitely easier when you work for yourself full-time.