Friend Got Engaged? Here’s What To Say, Send, and Do

This is a guest post by Anne Keery. Anne can be found at, where her team of writers bring you thousands of rad gift giving ideas. Don't know what to get your boyfriend for Christmas? No problem. She can also be found on twitter @ugifter, talking about money, skiing and food.

I’ve found myself standing with friends when another friend got engaged. Typically, I had a dumb grin on my face after saying “Congratulations” because I wasn't able to come up with anything that they haven’t heard yet and no way to make myself come across with a bit more grace.

Hrm, and then what do you say?  If your friend is of the “jump-up-and-down-and-squeal” variety, you may want to indulge yourself for a few minutes… then insert a pause and do it again.  Oh, you’re not a squealer?

“My Friend Got Engaged” – And I Have No Idea What to Say or Do

Well then, I suppose you may want to pick from some of these ideas, to congratulate your newly engaged friend.

  • You can wax philosophical for a little bit and tell them how legitimately happy you are that they are happy.
  • You can and should send them a congratulatory card in the mail.
  • Keep your feelings genuine and happy.  If you truly do not care for their newly-intended, hold your tongue for now and consider wisely your course of action, after the initial buzz has worn off for your friend.  After you’ve said congrats, you can list very specific ways that you can help.
  • Have other “money etiquette” questions? Get the money manners guide in our financial best life vault! Click here to subscribe and grab six other worksheets while you’re in there!

Things to Say (and Do!) For the Friend Who Just Got Engaged

Here are some ideas:

  • Offer to put out of town guests up at your house.
  • Help host an engagement party, if they will be having one.
  • Threaten to put a terrible announcement in the local (or national) newspaper.  Bonus points for using Halloween pictures. (this is a joke, people.)
  • Assist with making DIY stuff like Save the Dates, invitations, bouquets, etc.
  • Offer to assist with directing parking on the day-of.
  • Run around for last minute errands on the day of.
  • Remember to be a shoulder to cry on or a place to vent!!
  • Offer to design a website.
  • Set up and take down.
  • If you have a specific skill that they may want, clearly outline your offer very early on.  This will be beneficial for both of you.  You can cut off any expectations of doing things for free.  An example would be, “If you want, I can bake your cake for the cost of ingredients as my gift to you.” Clearly outline whether or not your service or item will constitute your gift and whether or not there will still be a cost associated with you doing it.
  • Write out your heartfelt wishes in an engagement card, using these wedding card writing tips.  Make sure you don’t use up all of your material before you give the wedding card!

Engagement Don'ts

Now that we’ve covered a few to-dos that will get you through a loss of words to congratulate your friends on their engagement, let’s move on to some don’ts, shall we?

–          Assume you will be in the wedding party.

–          For that matter, don’t assume you will be invited!  Your friend may choose to elope.

–          Ask about a date early on.  Very few people have one picked out yet and it seems to be a very, very frequent question!  L Bee is an exception to the norm.

–          Ramble on and on with too much advice.  A few tidbits of specific advice are okay, but an advice deluge is likely overwhelming and intimidating.  As time goes on, you can pop in more and more.

–          Immediately start ranting about how you dislike your friend’s significant other.  Bad scene.

–          Make any comments whatsoever that centre on you, i.e. “You’d better not have a destination wedding because I won’t come.”

Like this advice? Pin on Pinterest.

Your good friend got engaged? Swallow any panic and/or jealousy and try not to be a goof. Here's a list of appropriate congratulations and things to say/do.


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  • Anne @ Unique Gifter
    July 26, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    C’mon – no comments folks? none?!